Cake
by Delusional Potato
Summary: When Celestia leaves her cake out in the open, she never expected a certain Alicorn and a certain Draconequus to have a pointless fight over who gets to eat it. Oneshot.


**I need to stop writing ponyfics; I think it's getting unhealthy. Anyway, here's a silly little oneshot to brighten your day. I hope you enjoy, and please leave a review if you can!**

* * *

It was a warm, sunny day in Canterlot. Celestia's golden hooves gently padded against the tile floor, making almost no noise at all. She had a wide smile on her face, as if she was anticipating something great in her future. In fact, the Princess was indeed anticipating something great.

Celestia knew that today was Saturday. She promised herself that she would eat her favorite dessert on Satudays, and only Saturdays, for a Princess couldn't go stuffing her face with sweets. It was undignified, and unhealthy.

Celestia trotted down the stairs, barely making a sound. The guards simply bowed when she passed by, not suspecting why she was heading towards the kitchen of all places. The Sun Princess quietly poked her nose through the kitchen doorway, checking to make sure all the chefs and cooks were gone. They were, for they had finished making breakfast and wouldn't be back until later to make lunch.

Celestia had a bounce in her step as she walked towards the fridge on the other side of the room. Her smile widen when she reached it and opened it. Sitting on the top shelf of the fridge was a cake, decorated with white and pink icing. Her purple eyes glowed with admiration as she lifted the cake out of the fridge and placed it on the counter. She licked her lips, about to dig into the decadent treat. But she was interrupted when the strong voice of a stallion called from outside.

"Princess Celestia!" A guard called, his voice full of urgency.

"DON'T COME IN HERE!" Celestia screamed. She desperately hid her cake under the counter, careful not to smudge the icing or anything.

"But Princess! There's an emergency!" The guard poked his head into the kitchen doorway.

"Yes?" Replied Celestia.

"I just got word that the changelings are attacking the northern border of Cloudsdale! We must stop them!"

Celestia silently cursed the changelings for deciding to attack on her cake day. But she had no choice, for the safety of her subjects came first.

"Okay," She said, "Gather up the best pegasi knights. We leave for Cloudsdale immediately."

Celestia and the guard left the kitchen, the Princess quickly forgetting about her beloved cake.

The Princess however, didn't notice the ebony colored Alicorn peek through the window. Her light blue eyes caught sight of the cake sitting below the counter. A smile grew across her face as she opened the window and crawled in. She dropped to the floor like a secret agent and crept across the floor, towards the cake sitting under the counter.

Luna licked her lips, pulling her wings close to her body to keep them from springing out with anticipation. Her sister Celestia never shared her cake. She always ate it privately, every Saturday Morning before lunch. But today, Luna was going to get some of that cake, no matter what.

As silent as a cat, Luna crept the last few inches towards the cake, her stomach growling insanely. At last, she was there, and she used her magic to levitate it. But something pulled back on it, pulling the cake a few inches into the shadows of the underside of the counter.

"Thou dare defy us, cake?" Luna growled. She pulled back harder on the cake, attempting to pull it out from under the counter. But the cake wanted to play tug-o-war, and pulled back.

With all her Alicorn might, Luna powerfully pulled the cake towards her. She saw however, that she WAS playing tug-o-war, as a lion paw and an eagle claw had a firm grip on the plate. Luna also saw two, red and yellow eyes peek out from under the counter. Luna pulled the entire cake-tugging culprit out from under the counter, who turned out to be a severely mismatched, dragon-like creature, with a innocent smile on his misshapen face.

"'ello govna!" Greeted Discord, as he still held firm to the plate.

"Discord!" Luna cried, also refusing to let go of the cake, "Thou art stealing the cake!"

"Don't act like I'm the only one guilty here," Said the smug Draconequus, "Your hoofprints are on the cake as well."

"But thou art supposed to be doing good deeds!" Luna argued.

"Thou art supposed to be governing overeth Equestria." Discord shot back.

"Does thou mocketh us?"

"Perhapseth."

Luna yanked the cake from Discord's grasp, "Thou art not deserving of cake! Ye still need to learn the ways of good!"

Discord frowned, "But Lulu! You know I'm a good boy!" A halo appeared over his head, signaling that he was indeed innocent.

"Thou art not good in the least!" Growled Luna, "Ye shall go back to thy room for a timeout!"

"Excuse me?" Discord challenged, standing up to full height, now towering over Luna, "You're telling me, Discord, the Lord of all Chaos to go to his room for a _timeout_?"

Luna paused, "Yes." Then she walked away with her nose upturned, the cake still at her side.

Discord's mouth twisted into a scowl when he realized what Luna was doing. He teleported directly in front of her, his eyes glowing a slightly brighter red from anger.

"I see what you're trying to do," He snarled, poking Luna's nose with a long claw, "You're trying to get that cake all too yourself. I may act like one sometimes, but I'm not a fool, my dear."

"We gaveth thou an order, Discord," Luna rebutted, "And why would ye accuse us of doing such thing? We would share our cake, but not with thee."

"Oh, so it's just resentment?" Cried Discord, "Hooey! You're just like your sister, Luna! You won't let me do anything because you despise me!"

Luna really couldn't argue with that. It was true she wasn't sharing the cake with Discord because she hated him. Luna shook her head.

"We hath made up our mind," She said, her voice raising, "Thou shan't get any cake for being a horrible villain!"

Discord looked unamused, but suddenly, his eyes dialated with fear as he stared at the space behind Luna.

"Luna... Don't... Move..." He said so very calmly.

Luna suddenly realized what Discord was doing, as she froze in place, "W-why? Are there robbers behind us? A monster? Our disapproving sister?"

"Just... Don't move..." Repeated Discord, "Slowly turn around..."

Luna obeyed, turning very slowly and very carefully. But nothing was there, only a wall.

"Discord, what do you speak-?" Luna questioned, turning back around. She gasped, as her cake was now missing. The Alicorn managed to catch a glimpse of Discord rounding a corner with the cake in his grasp, all the while laughing like a madman.

"We hath been tricked!" Cried Luna. She reared, angrily whinnying as she took off in the direction of which Discord ran towards. Luna came out into the main hall, where guards lined both walls. She could see Discord at the end of the hall, holding the cake close to him like his own filly. Throwing her head back, she screamed in her Royal Canterlot Voice:

"GUARDS! SEIZE THAT CAKE-THIEVING MONSTER!"

Immediately, the guards sprang into action, going after the Draconequus standing at the end of the hall. Discord didn't look worried, for he simply placed the cake in the coils of his tail to keep it safe. An insane smile twisted its way across his face, as golden-colored magic sparked on the tips of his claws. Luna shielded her eyes, realizing what he was doing.

"Guards!" She yelled, "Do not look at the Draconequus!"

But it was too late. Discord fired a large, golden beam at the group of guards. Immediately, hypnotic spirals filled their eyes, signaling that they were no longer in control of themselves, but under Discord's control instead.

"Guards!" He commanded, pointing at Luna, "Tickle that Alicorn! Have no mercy!"

The guards turned their expressionless, zombie-like eyes towards Luna, who suddenly looked very tiny and scared.

"No! Attack him!" Luna demanded, but it was to no avail. The guards would only listen to Discord, and no one else. They were closing in, ready to tickle Luna as commanded.

"I hope your time with the guards will... _Tickle_ your fancy!" Laughed Discord. He took off down a different hall, the oh-so-precious cake tucked under his arm.

Luna was backed up against the wall, as the brainwashed guards advanced closer and closer. They jumped on her, somehow obtaining feathers, feather dusters, and fluffy bunny dolls in the process. The night princess was assaulted with tickle torture she had never experienced before in her life. Even the tickle fights with her elder sister had never been this horrible. She couldn't move, for the guards were holding down her limbs while tickling every ticklish spot Luna had, and didn't know she had. The princess laughed helplessly, imagining Discord licking his chops of cake icing right about now.

No. That wasn't going to happen. Discord wasn't going to outsmart her. With roar of anger, she threw all the guards off of her, extended her wings, and pushed off, taking flight just above the ground. She rocketed off towards where Discord had disappeared to, turning the sharp corner.

"This means war!" Cried Luna.

The Alicorn came to the throne room, where Discord was sitting on her throne -HER throne- and eating a piece of the cake.

"Thou hast declared war against us, Discord!" Roared Luna, "By using our own guards to get away with the cake, we shall attack for that same cake!"

"Attack?" Discord asked, "Pffft! You act like I was the one who attacked you! I was simply trying to defend myself when you attacked me!"

"_We_ attacked you?!" Luna asked in outrage.

"In fact you did," Replied Discord, "You were about to send those guards on me when all I was doing was eating cake. The cake isn't yours, Luna my dear. It's fair game now. Whoever gets it, eats it without a second thought."

Luna stood tall, "Very well then. If it is fair game..."

All of the sudden, the Alicorn leapt at Discord. He reacted fast, teleporting out of the throne as Luna landed in it. Unfortunately for Discord, he had forgotten to take the cake with him, and had left it in front of the throne for Luna to pick up and carry off.

Finally, the Alicorn had the cake all to herself, as she charged out of the throne room and into the palace courtyard. She found a tall, leafy tree and sat in the highest branch. Placing the cake in front of her, she rubbed her hooves together in anticipation.

"Finally!" She cheered, "Discord will not find us here! Oh, we art so very smart!"

But just as Luna was about to dig into the cake, the treat toppled over and fell off the branch heading for the ground below. Luckily, Discord rushed over and caught the cake right before it did hit the ground. Luna was glad and angry at the same time, for the cake was saved, but now Discord had it again.

Spreading her wings, Luna took off for Discord again, who was now heading for the palace gates. She sprinted, flapping her wings as fast as she possibly could, but Discord was much faster, and he didn't appear to even be breaking a sweat as the two headed into the city of Canterlot.

Luna had to stop, for she couldn't make herself look like a maniac in front of her own subjects. She slowed to a walk, as the ponies in the streets graciously bowed to her. Discord was lost in the crowd, and so was the cake. Luna wondered how she was going to get Discord if she had a dignified reputation to be upheld, and couldn't chase him around like some insane killer.

Luna calmly walked the streets, scanning for the patchwork creature, but he was nowhere to be seen in the crowds of ponies. She thought about giving up and waiting until next Saturday.

But then she saw it: The cake with white and pink icing and one piece of it taken it out, just sitting there in the middle of the road. Luna's eyes sparkled with delight at the cake, as she ran to snatch it up. But she forced herself to stop.

_What if this is a trap?_ She thought to herself, _This seems suspicious. I wouldn't expect Discord to give up his cake that easily. He's too stubborn to do so._

Oh but the cake looked so delicious...

Luna pounced at the cake, licking her lips as she did. But very suddenly, a small speaker appeared in the cake. Luna was confused at first, until the cake started playing incredibly loud dubstep music, blasting the princess into a building. The innocent citizens of Canterlot were forced to cover their ears, for the sound of the dubstep cake was ear-splitting. The only one who seemed to be enjoying the music was Vinyl Scratch, sitting at a café table and head banging to the beat of the song.

Luna knew immediately that Discord was behind this. Saying a few choice words, she forced herself off the wall and began fighting against the blasting music. Eventually, she reached the cake, smashing it to pieces, killing the dubstep bass drop.

"Aww! Who cut the wubs?" Groaned Vinyl from the other side of the street.

Luna was absolutely furious. If the Elements of Harmony had not banished the darkness out of her soul a few years ago, she guaranteed that she would be Nightmare Moon again from all the fury that was boiling in her soul. Her head whipped around when she heard deep-throated cackling up above her. Discord was sitting on top of one of the buildings, laughing so hard that he looked to be choking. The real cake was still in his grasp, which wasn't helping the princess' anger.

"You..." Luna snarled. Her eyes suddenly began to glow pure white, as she screamed at the top of her lungs, "YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS, MORTAL ABOMINATION!"

For the first time, Discord actually looked rather frightened. Luna charged at him her eyes still glowing and her teeth still bared. She fired a powerful beam of magic at the building, throwing Discord off the roof and completely destroying the spot where he once sat.

The draconequus did the thing that was most expected of him; he turned Luna's wings into curly fries, causing her to drop to the ground. The princess wasn't about to let Discord get away with changing her wings. As an act of revenge, she turned the chaos spirit's wings into toilet paper, also causing him to fall.

All Luna was concerned about was getting that cake away from Discord and brutally punishing him for taking it in the first place. She charged at the spirit again, her horn charging up for another attack. Discord couldn't get out of the way fast enough, and was hit with the blast, forcing him to drop the cake.

Luna snatched up the cake, galloping as fast as she possibly could. Now it was Discord's turn to rage. He roared with anger, turning the surrounding buildings into gingerbread and stacks of playing cards. This caused the Canterlotians to start panicking and running away from the sight of the enraged draconequus.

Luna wasn't even concerned with the screams of her subjects. She had to get the precious cake away from Discord, who was now giving chase. He fired beams of powerful magic at the Alicorn, who effortlessly dodged them. The beams instead hit buildings, plants, and ponies, turning them into giant pillows, fire breathing snails, and winged boxes of tissue.

Luna was surprised when she ran by the Canterlot Taffy Shop. The huge strands of pink taffy suddenly slithered out of the shop and went after her. The strands caught up, wrapping around the Alicorn and forcing her to drop the cake. Discord stood triumphedly as he picked up the cake and gloated at the restrained Luna.

"Looks like I won this match, eh?" He asked with a happy cackle. He had totally forgotten about Luna's horn, however, as she fired multiple beams at random, eventually blasting the taffy away and freeing herself. She stood again, now glaring at the creature of chaos with pure resentment in her eyes. The Alicorn rushed at him, grabbing onto the other side of the cake's plate. They were now back to playing tug-o-war with the beloved treat.

"'tis not thy cake!" Luna yelled, struggling to hold on to the cake, "Thou art not deserving of it!"

"Do I look like I care?!" Discord screamed back, his face starting to turn red from the strain of keeping the cake in his hold, "I want this cake, and you aren't going to stop me!"

They tugged with all their immortal might, straining against the force of each other in hopes of getting the cake. Unfortunately, that was when the plate broke in half, dropping the cake onto the ground, ruining it for good.

Luna and Discord stared at each other, then down at the cake, then back at each other. They looked around, realizing how much damage they had caused.

Luna's randomly fired beams had left holes in the buildings and roads. Ponies that had been hit with her magic were now laying unconscious or wounded on the side of the road. Evidence of Discord's chaos magic was everywhere too. Plants had been turned into plates of spaghetti, stallions were wearing tutus, mares were wearing wrestling outfits and had hairy chests, and buildings had been turned into giant forms of random food.

A loud gasp was heard, causing Luna and Discord to turn to the sound. Standing there, in all her magnificent glory was Princess Celestia, her mouth open agape and her eyes dilated to full size. Strangely enough, she wasn't staring at the destruction of Canterlot, but the smashed cake between Luna and Discord.

"You two... Destroyed..." She started, "...my cake!"

Discord pointed to Luna, "It was all her fault."

"Oh no thou doesn't!" The Night Princess shot back, "Thou shalt get in trouble for this as well!"

The two quarreled, as Celestia stared in disbelief at the smashed cake. She looked back up at the Alicorn and Draconequus, as rage began to build up inside of her.

"Don't worry you two," She snarled, "I'll make you both pay, _very_ much..."

* * *

"I was hoping we would get sent to the moon. I wanted to see if it was made of cheese."

"Silence thyself, Discord. At least our sister is merciful enough to give us this punishment."

Luna and Discord were now in the palace kitchen, forced to bake a new cake for Princess Celestia.

"And don't even _think_ about eating it," Warned the Sun Princess as she watched the two with eyes like a hawk, "Or I _will_ send you to the moon."

Luna had her back turned to her fellow forced cake-baker. He took this as a chance to grab a sack of flour.

"Hey Luna," Discord said with a mischievous smirk, holding the sack of flour above his head, "I didn't know you were a ghost!"

"What?" Questioned Luna, only to be hit in the head with a sack of flour, causing it to burst and cover her head to hoof with white. Discord couldn't help but laugh at the Alicorn's predicament as he threw his head back and cackled loud enough that the floor above could hear. His happiness didn't last long, for Luna had grabbed a hand mixer and was threatening him with it. She started chasing the spirit around, giving battle cries while carrying the oh-so-intimadating hand mixer.

Celestia on the other hand, shook her head sorrily at the two full-grown immortals chasing each other with kitchen untencils.

"Sometimes I wonder why I don't send you two to the moon."


End file.
